IT'S JOKE TIME

AGAW-BUHAY
Nakaupo sa tabi ng kanyang asawang agaw-buhay si Juan.Hawak hawak niya ang kamay nito at nararamdaman ni Juanna hindi na magtatagal at babawian na ng buhay ang kanyang asawa."Juan, bago ako mamatay, mayroon akong gustong ipagtapatsa iyo.""Mahal, huwag ka ng magsalita at makakasama pa sa iyo.""Pero Juan, kailangan talagang malaman mo na........""Sssshhhh, kung ano man iyon ay hindi na mahalaga, angimportante ay nasa tabi mo ako sa huling sandali morito sa mundo.""Juan, nais kong ipagtapat sa iyo na pinag-taksilan kitasana ay patawarin mo ako.""Alam ko iyon, kaya nga kita NILASON."

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENT'S MEDICAL CHARTS at PHILIPPINE GENERALHOSPITAL (PGH):
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day itdisappeared.
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was veryhot in bed last night.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to bedepressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began Seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. The patient refused autopsy.
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
9. She is numb from her toes down.
10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
11. The skin was moist and dry.
12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.1
3. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, untilshe got a divorce.
16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as astockbroker instead.
18. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.