AKO, IKAW AT ANG KASINUNGALINGAN

NONTHABURI, THAILAND (5:00 a.M) PARA SA WALANGHIYANG TAO SA MUNDO


NABABALIW AKO SA BAWAT MINUTONG PINIPILIT KUNG HANAPAN NG PALIWANAG ANG MGA PANGYAYARI, PAGKAKATAON AT EMOSYONG ALAM KUNG TAYO LANG ANG MAKAKAUNAWA MINSAN KO NANG TINANONG ANG SARILI KOTOTOO NGA KAYANG NAGAGANAP ITO...LUMAYO SA KATOTOHANAN, NGUNIT BAKIT SA HARAPAN KO MISMO NAGAGANAP AT TUMATAGOS PA HANGGANG SULOK NG AKING KATAWAN AT KALULUWA.
HINDI TAMANG IPAKILALA KITANG KASINTAHAN DAHIL IKAW AY ISANG HUWAD AT HIGIT PA ROON ANG AKING NARARAMDAMAN NA SA TUWING MAALALA KITA AKO AY NAIINIS AT NAGAGALIT HINDI RIN SAPAT NA SABIHING MAHAL KITA DAHIL NATATANGI AT WALANG TUGMANG SALITA NA BABAGAY SA ESTADO NG IYONG KASINUNGALINGAN...
MARAHIL AKO AY ISANG BIKTIMA, IKAW ANG SALARIN AT KASINUNGALINGAN MO AY TAPOS NA...

INSENSITIVITY

FOR ANTIGO ( AUGUST 26,2011, NONTHABURI THAILAND 4:45 A.M.)

Along those walls of hatred
Smile managed to takea bow
Angst cursing every single bone
Feeling and looking for escape
Towards a possible chaos of emotion...
I wanted to die that every minute
I wished for eternal darkness
Because I don't like to feel the pain
Of a humiliated innocent soul
The trouble with people who don't care much
Is the instant pour of selfishness
Of insensitivity. of callousness
Fucking and wrong of breath of life...



opppsss...
I know this will never reach you but I wanted to let u know
That you hurt me badly and I feel sorry for you because you choose
to close your eyes, heart and soul to the goodness and greatness of reality.
I can help you! NO! I wish to help yourself and start counting whites instead of black...
FUCK YOU...

LOVE FORGOTTEN AND LOST

How could I ever win you back? When I tried almost all? How could I ever pay the price when your lips are sealed in silence? My efforts to no vain, my time runs out...my heart is tired and my mind in drought...
Seeing you walk away, I couldn't help but cry but letting you go would be my biggest pride...Though I have your memories, I am sure I will not be missing you ...
I thought there was something to look forward to and I thought there was a special bond between me and you...I tried understanding you and even tried feeling your pains, I opened my heart to your soul and started building dreams...there was bond...there was emotion...there was love...there was denial in your part...

I used to precondition my self to only the good things whenever someone had there was definitely this unexplainable curiosity to jump into it so that I can share my own side of the story and that I can affirm what their up to...

Finally, I was trapped in this courtroom drama waiting for that final judgment and that later on I can shout my kind of a thing...("YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE")

There was pain! No! there was a lot of pain. It was an unbearable pain...

Nothing can be more painful than a silent rejection of an innocent love willing to risk the pain...to an empty heart unready to commit passion...

But I stood still and fought for what I felt with steadfast faith...hoping to conquer fear...there was silent victor and my biggest shame...

I have all the reasons to hate you...I have all the angst to curse you... Whenever there is a need to be with you I wish I would simply die since YOU ARE ONLY DENYING ME TO YOUR FRIENDS for a fleeting moment to escape from hatred and pain...

I know it's hard...but I can make it and will get through this...

ONE LINER EXPERIENCE...

Many had gone through this but this my first. I never dreamed of a life like this...never for my entire life...in a chaotic world where full of hypocrites, snobs, traitors and denials, I had only one wish to ask for ;

1. TO BE ABLE TO LET GO OF THIS FEELING OF HATRED, ANGER AND PRIDE...

My late father had once told me..." ayieh, always learn to be humble in any you can, and let people praise you of who you are...learn to forget the mistakes of your fellows".

I do understand what my late father had told me that forgiveness is the essential tool you will have upon your life's journey...but is this for real? I think this is too much humility...too much to bear...I AM NOT GOD. I am only human not to forgive an person who have wronged you...I am not that numb not to get mad and angry to the person who caused me pain. In fact, my level of forgiveness is already at its lowest level...no one can hinder me of my anger...no one can ever stop me of getting a revenge on him.

In my world where life is exactly the opposite of his' will not be the same...never again...never again to adjust of his hell world where lies are embraced. Is it awfully right to take revenge? I guess it's my one liner experience...

I would like to address something to the person who humiliated me that much and had caused me pain big time..., that MY WORLD IS NOT YOUR WORLD to own...in the next chapters of our lives, an assurance that YOU WILL REGRET EVERYTHING the things that you do not want to have...and things you don't care enough and things that you often taken for granted...

While I am living up to my last breath even if I will go to hell, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU...OVER MY DEAD BODY...

SINFULLY HEALTHY

Are you an ice cream or a yogurt lover?

I’m both but I used to be more on the ice cream side until I bumped into this small and colorful place along the gastronomic district that is Tomoas Morato in Quezon City. It’s too eye catching to ignore and the interiors are way to clean and soothing. I’m a yogurt convert now because of Frutti Froyo.

MORTAL SIN

In Roman Catholic moral theology, a mortal sin, as distinct from a venial sin, must meet all of the following conditions:

Its subject must be a grave (or serious) matter.
It must be committed with full knowledge, both of the sin and of the gravity of the offense (no one is considered ignorant of the principles of the moral law, which are inborn as part of human knowledge, but these principles can be misunderstood in a particular context).
It must be committed with deliberate and complete consent, enough for it to have been a personal decision to commit the sin.

That definition of mortal according to Wikipedia is true enough to ponder.

People commit mortal sins...I do commit mortal sins. Right now I commit mortal sin.

I do not know why in this hell world of mine I am doing...all I know is I am very happy and I am in a world of make believe.

I love him even if I am committing mortal sin. I love him because I know I am enjoying every bit of it.

I do not care if people will curse me for what I had done...I am ready to face consequences...I am happy. I am a fool of this one liner experience of sin.

To my dear God who is the source of love, please understand of my wrong doing...I am sorry for whatever acts I am doing right now...

Please forgive my sins...

BABAE KAMI

Babae kami
Hindi pagkaing sa mesa ihahain
Babalatan, hihimayin
Pampuno ng tiyan
O bagay lang sa basurahan...

Babae kami
Hindi manikang
Lalaruin, huhubaran
Bibihisan, ikukulong sa kuna
O ididisplay sa eskaparate.

Babae kami
Hindi lupang dudungkalan ng tanso
Hiyas at ginto
Tatamnan at iiwanan
Pagkatapos ng ani
Hahayaang magputik
Aapak-apakan o gagawing
Kandungan ng mga kalansay.

Babae kami
Tao rin naman
Hindi robot o basahan
Hindi kaserola o kubeta
Hindi panaginip na walang isip
O imahen na hahabulin
Sa lumilipad na ulap.

Babae kami
Nagluluwal ng sanggol
Na tagapagmana ng mundo
Marunong kaming umaninag
Ng hugis sa araw at gabi
Marunong maghimay
Ng kulay ng bahaghari.

Babae kami
Marunong sumalo
Sa mga kaluluwang babagsak
Sa pusong maalalahanin
Marunong lumaban
At magwasto ng baligtad
Habang naghahardin
Sa ikagaganda ng daigdig.