Love of my Life...

 Thank you mom for making me who I am now...I love you so much!

ang mukha ng bored

the art of falling and loving

After falling in love and breaking it for the second time...I wonder if I could ever answer a question, like, am I ready to fall in love again? I guess I am not...in falling there should be essentials to what you longed for...the fact that you are enjoying every bit of happiness is one of those essentials in falling a love perfectly.I must admit I have suitors both online and offline but I cannot just dictate my mind and heart to trust again. I may have failed on a certain levels but I am true to myself that when I fall, I fall perfectly in shape...

How can we resist ourselves from falling and loving? nah, just a simple as abcd and easy as 123 of letting go of your pride...

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it’s what you are expected to give — which is everything.
Love doesn’t always end the way we want it to. But it always ends the way it is supposed to. If one love is lost, it only means that another one, sometimes better…sometimes not, but always, another love is waiting for you just around the corner.

so keep on falling and loving! spread some love and keep saying i love you to the one you love the most!

certified pix addict

repost lang

Andito ako ngayon sa HARAP NG COMPUTER. Kasama ang mga bagong kakilala sa NET na tinuring ko na ding kaibigan.Madalas nag-iisip ako kung ano nga ba ang nakita ko sa kanila at lagi ko silang napapagbigyan na kausapin.Marahil nakita ko sa kanila ang aking sarili. Puwede ring sa kanila ko nakita ang kakaibang samahan. Pero kung ano pa man ang dahilan. Ayaw ko ng abalahin ang sarili ko sa pag-iisip. Ang importante…MASAYA AKO ngayon! Ang importante may mga bago akong kaibigan.Masaya ako hindi para sa kanila kundi para sa sarili ko!

Merry Christmas sa lahat!

ISANG BUWANG PANANAHIMIK

Makalipas ang isang buwang pananahimik sa aking blog...di ko na napigilang gumawa ulet ng entry...It's a passion I cannot just forget...during my one month vacation, I could say that I had a lot of experience to share an experience worth the wait for me to explore... next entry I will be posting more I am just too lazy to do this...

PARA SA IYO BBTOTZ KOW...REMEMBER ME THIS WAY...

Lyrics | Jordan Hill - Remember Me This Way lyrics

AKO, IKAW AT ANG KASINUNGALINGAN

NONTHABURI, THAILAND (5:00 a.M) PARA SA WALANGHIYANG TAO SA MUNDO


NABABALIW AKO SA BAWAT MINUTONG PINIPILIT KUNG HANAPAN NG PALIWANAG ANG MGA PANGYAYARI, PAGKAKATAON AT EMOSYONG ALAM KUNG TAYO LANG ANG MAKAKAUNAWA MINSAN KO NANG TINANONG ANG SARILI KOTOTOO NGA KAYANG NAGAGANAP ITO...LUMAYO SA KATOTOHANAN, NGUNIT BAKIT SA HARAPAN KO MISMO NAGAGANAP AT TUMATAGOS PA HANGGANG SULOK NG AKING KATAWAN AT KALULUWA.
HINDI TAMANG IPAKILALA KITANG KASINTAHAN DAHIL IKAW AY ISANG HUWAD AT HIGIT PA ROON ANG AKING NARARAMDAMAN NA SA TUWING MAALALA KITA AKO AY NAIINIS AT NAGAGALIT HINDI RIN SAPAT NA SABIHING MAHAL KITA DAHIL NATATANGI AT WALANG TUGMANG SALITA NA BABAGAY SA ESTADO NG IYONG KASINUNGALINGAN...
MARAHIL AKO AY ISANG BIKTIMA, IKAW ANG SALARIN AT KASINUNGALINGAN MO AY TAPOS NA...

INSENSITIVITY

FOR ANTIGO ( AUGUST 26,2011, NONTHABURI THAILAND 4:45 A.M.)

Along those walls of hatred
Smile managed to takea bow
Angst cursing every single bone
Feeling and looking for escape
Towards a possible chaos of emotion...
I wanted to die that every minute
I wished for eternal darkness
Because I don't like to feel the pain
Of a humiliated innocent soul
The trouble with people who don't care much
Is the instant pour of selfishness
Of insensitivity. of callousness
Fucking and wrong of breath of life...



opppsss...
I know this will never reach you but I wanted to let u know
That you hurt me badly and I feel sorry for you because you choose
to close your eyes, heart and soul to the goodness and greatness of reality.
I can help you! NO! I wish to help yourself and start counting whites instead of black...
FUCK YOU...

LOVE FORGOTTEN AND LOST

How could I ever win you back? When I tried almost all? How could I ever pay the price when your lips are sealed in silence? My efforts to no vain, my time runs out...my heart is tired and my mind in drought...
Seeing you walk away, I couldn't help but cry but letting you go would be my biggest pride...Though I have your memories, I am sure I will not be missing you ...
I thought there was something to look forward to and I thought there was a special bond between me and you...I tried understanding you and even tried feeling your pains, I opened my heart to your soul and started building dreams...there was bond...there was emotion...there was love...there was denial in your part...

I used to precondition my self to only the good things whenever someone had there was definitely this unexplainable curiosity to jump into it so that I can share my own side of the story and that I can affirm what their up to...

Finally, I was trapped in this courtroom drama waiting for that final judgment and that later on I can shout my kind of a thing...("YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE")

There was pain! No! there was a lot of pain. It was an unbearable pain...

Nothing can be more painful than a silent rejection of an innocent love willing to risk the pain...to an empty heart unready to commit passion...

But I stood still and fought for what I felt with steadfast faith...hoping to conquer fear...there was silent victor and my biggest shame...

I have all the reasons to hate you...I have all the angst to curse you... Whenever there is a need to be with you I wish I would simply die since YOU ARE ONLY DENYING ME TO YOUR FRIENDS for a fleeting moment to escape from hatred and pain...

I know it's hard...but I can make it and will get through this...

ONE LINER EXPERIENCE...

Many had gone through this but this my first. I never dreamed of a life like this...never for my entire life...in a chaotic world where full of hypocrites, snobs, traitors and denials, I had only one wish to ask for ;

1. TO BE ABLE TO LET GO OF THIS FEELING OF HATRED, ANGER AND PRIDE...

My late father had once told me..." ayieh, always learn to be humble in any you can, and let people praise you of who you are...learn to forget the mistakes of your fellows".

I do understand what my late father had told me that forgiveness is the essential tool you will have upon your life's journey...but is this for real? I think this is too much humility...too much to bear...I AM NOT GOD. I am only human not to forgive an person who have wronged you...I am not that numb not to get mad and angry to the person who caused me pain. In fact, my level of forgiveness is already at its lowest level...no one can hinder me of my anger...no one can ever stop me of getting a revenge on him.

In my world where life is exactly the opposite of his' will not be the same...never again...never again to adjust of his hell world where lies are embraced. Is it awfully right to take revenge? I guess it's my one liner experience...

I would like to address something to the person who humiliated me that much and had caused me pain big time..., that MY WORLD IS NOT YOUR WORLD to own...in the next chapters of our lives, an assurance that YOU WILL REGRET EVERYTHING the things that you do not want to have...and things you don't care enough and things that you often taken for granted...

While I am living up to my last breath even if I will go to hell, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU...OVER MY DEAD BODY...

SINFULLY HEALTHY

Are you an ice cream or a yogurt lover?

I’m both but I used to be more on the ice cream side until I bumped into this small and colorful place along the gastronomic district that is Tomoas Morato in Quezon City. It’s too eye catching to ignore and the interiors are way to clean and soothing. I’m a yogurt convert now because of Frutti Froyo.

MORTAL SIN

In Roman Catholic moral theology, a mortal sin, as distinct from a venial sin, must meet all of the following conditions:

Its subject must be a grave (or serious) matter.
It must be committed with full knowledge, both of the sin and of the gravity of the offense (no one is considered ignorant of the principles of the moral law, which are inborn as part of human knowledge, but these principles can be misunderstood in a particular context).
It must be committed with deliberate and complete consent, enough for it to have been a personal decision to commit the sin.

That definition of mortal according to Wikipedia is true enough to ponder.

People commit mortal sins...I do commit mortal sins. Right now I commit mortal sin.

I do not know why in this hell world of mine I am doing...all I know is I am very happy and I am in a world of make believe.

I love him even if I am committing mortal sin. I love him because I know I am enjoying every bit of it.

I do not care if people will curse me for what I had done...I am ready to face consequences...I am happy. I am a fool of this one liner experience of sin.

To my dear God who is the source of love, please understand of my wrong doing...I am sorry for whatever acts I am doing right now...

Please forgive my sins...

BABAE KAMI

Babae kami
Hindi pagkaing sa mesa ihahain
Babalatan, hihimayin
Pampuno ng tiyan
O bagay lang sa basurahan...

Babae kami
Hindi manikang
Lalaruin, huhubaran
Bibihisan, ikukulong sa kuna
O ididisplay sa eskaparate.

Babae kami
Hindi lupang dudungkalan ng tanso
Hiyas at ginto
Tatamnan at iiwanan
Pagkatapos ng ani
Hahayaang magputik
Aapak-apakan o gagawing
Kandungan ng mga kalansay.

Babae kami
Tao rin naman
Hindi robot o basahan
Hindi kaserola o kubeta
Hindi panaginip na walang isip
O imahen na hahabulin
Sa lumilipad na ulap.

Babae kami
Nagluluwal ng sanggol
Na tagapagmana ng mundo
Marunong kaming umaninag
Ng hugis sa araw at gabi
Marunong maghimay
Ng kulay ng bahaghari.

Babae kami
Marunong sumalo
Sa mga kaluluwang babagsak
Sa pusong maalalahanin
Marunong lumaban
At magwasto ng baligtad
Habang naghahardin
Sa ikagaganda ng daigdig.

THE SWEETNESS OF DOING NOTHING

I remember an OPM SONG which has the lyrics " heto ka na naman kumakatok sa aking pintuan...muling nghahanap ng makakausap" This is exactly related to my entry for this month, I guess a last entry for this month...

Why that lyrics of a song relates to my entry because I am here in front of my NEO (my lappy's name) sharing some thoughts which could help me and my online friends ponder...

I always remember that lyrics whenever I talk to them especially my bessy BBTOTZ. I am really knocking her time out of my stupidity on love, life, career and what ever life will bring...

I love my online friends...I could firmly say that I find them sweet even if we are doing nothing... I find them sweet because they loved to listen to your angst in life...learnt from me a simple computer operations...laughed with me even if I don't have jokes to share with...and most of all understood and stood by me when hypocrites on Pinoy Koneksyon did some stupid things against me.

For now, I guess my online friends are the best thing that I have...especially BEEBBLES, BLOSSOMS, SISSY JOY,. FRANS, KUYA WAFFU,MHYA, KHATE, MAMI CATZ, MAE, ANTIGO and a lot more...( I may have more space to mention all of them but I guess I am so lazy to type not to mention also that I am sleepy by now...)

Being sweet is like being loyal and the respect is there...thank you for being with me guys in our everyday chit chatting...Kahit saang lupalop ng mundo kayo...still we have the same purpose----TO CHAT AND TO CHAT AND TO CHAT.

Kaibigan ko, that's why a bahay kubo is made to let you know that I do care of our friendship....ewan ko lang sa inyo...(lolz) (;bog) (;kill) ko ang hindi...

For now, will take a nap...laglag na mata kow......Love you ALIENZ!

LETTING GO (

When the kisses are dry
and the smile is faked
when voices are indecipherable
and happiness is defeated by pain
let it go though it deeply hurts

when truth is ignored
and lies are embraced
when promises are forgotten
and love is lost
let go though it deeply hurts

when caress are not reciprocated
and presence not welcomed
when tears keep coming
and smiles are seldom seen
let go though it deeply hurts

when trust is betrayed
ans selfishness arises
when thoughts are worthless
and passion fades
let go though it deeply hurts

free yourself from the bondage of pain
and gradually bid the past
open your soul to new beginnings
and teach your heart to beat again

REFLECTIONS #1

Our self secrets are like a magical silver cup. It grows dull if uncared for, shine brightly if polished and will dazzle when you focus light on them. Just like our characters, if not cared for, nourished and nurtured you will end up criminal along paths of life.

For me to know that I find difficulty in describing myself, we need to ask other people to make aware that we need to change for the better, to discover our weaknesses and the strengths to grow maturely.

I am fortunate enough for God had given me such wonderful people to show my imperfections, to struggle for change and as a child of God, a daughter, a sister,a friend and a servant of Him. These special people will always reside in my heart, whatever the time of the day, whatever the traffic conditions.

GOODBYE'S ARE NOT FOREVER

Last night I slept very early because of uneasiness felt . It was an unusual feeling since my EX broke up with me. After a year of not entertaining any love life status, I tried to enter into a relationship which is not as clear as the water in the river. My relationship with him brought me light, happiness and excitement every time I talk to him online. I was indeed very happy knowing that he loves me more than I do... I know its hard falling in love to a person you never saw personally, but goodness to reality I love him so much.
Every morning when I wake up, I always read his text messages on my phone telling me how much he loves me. With all the text messages sent to me, I believed that he really love me. I enjoyed the feeling of being in love. I was happy.

But good things last for a reason you do not know. Maybe because you are too occupied and over shadowed with the feeling and thought of love. I know that love is never letting go, Love has to be true, but most of all, love has to be known amongst each other.

I guess love has millions of definitions because all of us has a different definition of love and is never the same. That's why mine never made to last. It wasn't perfect as I wished and longed for...but I am still thankful I had given myself a second chance. A chance that maybe I will be nourishing and will be perfected.

To you Bhe, I may not be the person you expected for but I can be the person who will cherish and love you, like no other people can do..and I want you to know that you come to love not by finding the perfect person…but seeing an imperfect person perfectly...

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

How do I love thee with all my heart ?
When you only brought me headaches everyday?
How do I love thee?
When selfishness of your time arises?
How do I love thee?
When you are enjoying with other web friends?
How do I love thee?
When only a simple hi is given to me?
How do I love thee?
When you are but sensitive to the feelings of others?
How do I love thee?
When lies are embraced?
How do I love thee?
When only part of you is known...?

LEADER OF THE BAND (FOR MY LATE FATHER)

SAD TO BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE WHEN THE RIGHT ONE COMES ALONG...

GOT FRUSTRATED BIG TIME...

I cannot think of any other words...but I was really hurt and frustrated big time...I thought I can overcome things like this... Anyway, bad karma is out there...:( I will be posting more when I am okay...:( for now let it be a thought that we cannot please everybody...

EWAN

SEATTLE’S BEST MOA…

Di ko maintindihan lately ang nararamdaman ko. Sa sobrang dami ng pumapasok sa utak ko na pakiramdam ko magrarally na sya sa Plaza Miranda. May mga pangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon na di na kayang ipaliwanag kahit ng pinakamatalinong taong kilala ko. (buhay pa po yung taong matalino). Sinubukan ko na rin magpatingin sa espesyalista baka sakaling maibigay nila ang kasagutang bumabagabag sa kaloob looban ng isip ko, ngunit sila man ay bigo rin. Naglakad-lakad ako. Nagmuni-muni at sa haba ng nilakad ko, sa wakas may natisod akong paraan para maipaliwanag ang kaguluhang nagaganap sa utak ko. Sa katunayan di lang isa, kundi isang dosena at isa…

1. hindi dapat hinahanapan ng paliwanag ang mga nararamdaman ng puso dahil ito ay magiging katulad nalang ng sipon na tumutulo kahit na di ka suminga.

2. huwag pagkaabalahan ang sangkaterbang idinidikta ng isip dahil malamang sa malamang magiging kaklase mo si Senadora Santiago at sabihin mo na ring “I lied..hahahha!”

3. itapon sa kawalan ang mga walang kwentang iniisip dahil makakabara lang ito sa daloy ng trapiko sa EDSA.

4. mas makakabuting tumingin sa kawalan dahil nakakapahinga ang utak kaysa tumingin sa harapan na puro kaplastikan ng mundo ang dumaraan.

5. ipikit ang mata kung di ito ginagamit para di agad tumakbo sa utak ang mga nakikita na malamang maging sanhi ng sangkaterbang muta.

6. mas cool ang tumambay ng walang kausap kaysa pumagitna sa huntahang payabangan lang naman ang babagsakan.

7. uminom ng kape na walang asukal para maramdaman ang pait at tumigil ang pag-iisip ng matatamis. (parang walang konek, pero isama na din)

8. sumakay sa aircon na bus at sabay sigaw ng INIT!! Wala na bang ilalakas yan!?

9. humanap ng kausap na kahit na anong sabihin mo wala kang makikitang reaction sa mukha kundi umayon lang sa lahat ng sasabihin mo. (maraming ganyan ngayon)

10. magtulog-tulugan sa jeep para makalimutan ng driver na di ka pa bayad sabay baba.

11. humiga sa gitna ng riles ng mrt para mapansin ka at maka-upo sa wakas.

12. maghanap ng katextmate na walang ginawa kundi magforward ng mga forwarded ding messages.

13. maglub-lub sa ilog pasig at wag na magbanlaw para maramdaman mo kung gaano kabaho sa Pilipinas


natuyo na ang utak ko para na itong lupang inabot ng el nino at di na nagpa-function. Sabi nga ng kaibigan ko, kailangan daw laging hahasain ang utak para di ito kalawangin. Na-imagine ko lang kapag kinalawang ang utak ko, para na din akong dead man walking noon. Hahahhaha!

MORAL LESSON : IWASANG MANOOD NG TELENOBELA DAHIL ISA ITO SA MGA NANGUNGUNANG DAHILAN PARA KALAWANGIN ANG UTAK NIYO.

26 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME

My 26th Birthday is fast approaching!

I’m not a party girl nor fond of any birthday related celebrations though I love organizing other's birthday party except my own. I don’t know why but I have this wierd feelings celebrating my own birthday party or maybe because I was not used to it in the first place.
My idea of a birthday celebration is simple. So simple, that I couldn’t even afford to send invites to those whom I wanted to celebrate with. hahahah weird!!! I’m a last minute girl. I cram. I always do and I terribly hate it, but I don't come to work late... My perfect birthday celebration is dining out with my family. No trappings, no gifts, no cake, no singing and all sorts of those birthday stuff everybody is busy about. I want exchanges of experiences, of what went through my kid’s days ,these small talks matter to me the most.

As I introspect my 26th years of existence, I thought of randomly listing down 26 things about ME…

1. I know how to play musical instrument like guitar.
2. I love Bob Ong books, wish I could follow his steps.
3. I’m a bookworm. I wish I have the luxury of time to read everything.
4. I love caramel mocha ice cream...I cannot resist my cravings.
5. I’m a catholic but I’m bored with repititious type of praying. My prayers are conversational.
6. I am a writer.
7. I dreamed of becoming a pilot.
8. I love to cook and my specialty is chicken adobo and new york bread.
9. I am a movie fan.
10. I came to learn ice tea and its goodness only after college.
11. I read the editorial first before the headlines.
12. I only have one password for all my bank accounts (parang andami!!! hahahahha)
13. I never leave home without a watch.
14. I’m a true blue waraynon!
15. I am an OC.
16. I keep a journal of all sorts….travel, photos, expenses, etc.
17. I love to travel. It’s the best form of education!
18. I hate government forms that specifically indicates USE BLACK INK ONLY.
19. I’m a beach babe even if I don’t have the best body. I love to swim.
20. I only drink red wine and vodka cruisin'.
21. I am a proud dentist
22. I don’t believe in courtship and putting your best foot forward to impress your crush, love or whatever you call it.
23. I am a techie.
24. I love to chat
25. I got hazel brown eyes
26. I stand at about 5' TALL